Uwe Boll Talks Retarded Wizards in Forests

Man I hope Uwe Boll loves golf. It seems the director is at least quitting Crowdfunding and at best, quite possibly quitting filmmaking altogether. I think I've only seen one of his movies so it doesn't bother me whether he quits making films or not, but I love this video.

After his campaign to get Rampage 3 crowdfunded didn't work out, he took to YouTube to deliver a massage to us all.

Never mind the fact that I'd never heard of Rampage 1 or 2, Uwe Boll has just gone up in my estimation after seeing this video.

I'm sure he's not as bad a filmmaker as everyone says either. He's clearly got a wonderful sense of humour, as evidenced in this video where he says we should all go fuck ourselves and then hints that he will be retiring to play more golf. Fair play to him.

Uwe you've earned it. Go kick back. Forget about Marvel and retarded wizards in forests. Forget about Rampage 3 or whatever old shite you were trying to get kickstarted. Nobody wants it, so why get worked up about it? Get out your clubs, polish your balls and head out on the fairways.

Maybe you could even do a bit more part time vlogging please?

The Martian Trailer Typecasts Matt Damon

Poor old Matt Daaaaaaaaaamon. You'd think somebody in Hollywood had it in for him. First he got stuck out in the far reaches of space in Interstallar and now he's all on his lonesome again in the new trailer for sci-fi thriller The Martian.


Don't feel too sorry for him though. First, Christopher Nolan. Now, Ridley Scott. Matt Damon is getting his pick of the great directors in Hollywood. Maybe all this solitary stuff on faraway planets is Damon just trying to get away from all these other Hollywood actors and their spoiled behaviour on sets. Have you seen the cast list on this one?


Kristen Wiig, Jessica Chastain, Kate Mara, Sean Bean, Donald Glover, Jeff Daniels, Michael Pena and Chiwetel Ejiofor. That all adds up to a lot of talent and just maybe a lot of tantrums that Damon got to mostly avoid.

This looks great so far but as it's not out till November, I hope this is the one and only trailer we'll get. It's already over 3 minutes long so we really need to see nothing more of this until we sit down to watch the film in cinemas thank you very much. 

More trailers at I Love That Film

Terminator Genisys Featurette with James Cameron

This is the moment all Terminator fans have surely been waiting for. It seems that James Cameron has finally given a muted seal of approval to Terminator Genisys.

People have been hating on the film ever since the first pictures and trailers were released. It looked good from the casting but then people started getting antsy as soon as the trailers started showing flipping school buses.

Personally, I love the direction it's going. John Connor turns villain, old Arnie battling young Arnie and Sarah saving Kyle? What's not to love?

Anyway, what do you think about this featurette? Does James Cameron have a gun to his head, a sack load of money waiting off camera, or is this a guy who really believes in this movie?

What's new in the latest Terminator Genisys trailer?

Spy Review: Secret Weapon, Jason Statham

Before they take on the all-girl Ghostbusters reboot, Melissa McCarthy and writer-director Paul Feig hook up to pastiche the none-more-male world of spy movies.

Jude Law is the dashing spy of the title until he messes up by shooting the only man who knows where a stolen nuke is hidden and then ends up getting bumped off by the nuke dealer’s ruthless daughter. Stepping up to take over from Law’s agent is the woman who has been sitting in a bat-infested CIA basement, yelling commands into his ear in order to keep him one step ahead of his enemies. Melissa McCarthy is the mild-mannered desk jockey who emerges from the basement to track down Rose Byrne, playing the Bulgarian arms dealer who can help her find that missing nuke.

Along the way, McCarthy is aided, but mostly hindered by Jason Statham’s cocky ex-CIA agent and Miranda Hart’s fellow basement dweller. She must overcome the disrespect of her colleagues in order to regain her self-worth and hopefully stop the annihilation of an American city at the hands of terrorists.

Spy is a showcase for McCarthy’s comedic range but by keeping her constrained for much of the first half of the movie Feig misses a trick. The lonely, sad, lacking in self-confidence and love struck McCarthy that fawns over Jude Law’s superspy and is scared to stand up for herself is far less fun than the unleashed McCarthy of the second half. This is much closer to the woman we all fell in love with in Bridesmaids. When McCarthy finally gets to kick ass and drop an arsenal full of foul-mouthed insults on anyone in her way, it’s like an eruption of awesomeness and Spy finds its groove.

The Bond references come thick and fast with sexy opening credits, slick production values and some fight choreography making this a convincing blockbuster, but it takes McCarthy unchained to give Spy the kick it needs. When McCarthy and Statham are bad mouthing each other, sparks fly and Spy has its fair share of hilarious moments. With some brutal comic violence and even more wince-inducing put-downs, it’s a shame that by the end Spy resorts to a 50 Cent cameo for laughs. Also, more of Rose Byrne and less of Miranda Hart would always be welcome.

While Feig and McCarthy are on fine form, Statham steals every scene he’s in and gets the biggest laughs in the script. It’s a shame, as if Feig and McCarthy can just forget about making McCarthy a sympathetic frumpy figure and instead let her cut loose like a Tasmanian Devil, Spy could have been bigger, ruder and funnier from start to finish.

Cannes Film Festival Day 6 and 7: Inside Out, The Chosen Ones and Sicario

On my last two days at the Cannes Film Festival, I saw 7 films, taking my total over the 7 days to 21 films.

Check out links to all my writing on Cannes here.

The films I saw on Monday and Tuesday were:

The Measure of a Man (La Lois du Marche)
Inside Out
The Chosen Ones
Marguerite and Julien

Sicario
Trap (Taklub)
Office (O Piseu)

That's it from Cannes for this year.

Cannes Film Festival Day 4 and 5: My Mother, Amy and Louder Than Bombs

I saw six film over the weekend at Cannes but have only reviewed three so far. Click the titles tp check out the reviews.

My Mother
Amy
Disorder

My King
The High Sun
Louder Than Bombs

The highlight of the weekend was definitely Asif Kapadia's documentary Amy, which I called 'a heart wrenching reminder of the deceased star’s enormous talent, and an early contender for Best Documentary at the Academy awards next year'.

Box Office Report on Mad Max Fury Road and Pitch Perfect 2

It's not all an endless cycle of watch movie, review movie, watch next movie, review next movie at Cannes. Over at Tastic Film, I'm also keeping an eye on the box office at home, particularly because Mad Max Fury Road came out on Friday and it was a film that took Cannes by storm.

Surprisingly though, it hasn't done as big business as Pitch Perfect 2, the aca-sequel that seems to have got even more fans since the original film debuted in 2012.

Here is a snippet from my box office report at Tastic Film:

Mad Max Fury Road and Pitch Perfect 2 had the mother of all smackdowns at the box office this weekend, with Pitch Perfect 2 managing to crush its nearest competition with an opening weekend figure of just over $70 million. Anna Kendrick and her aca-tastic co-stars clearly managed to mobilise fans of the first film, which was a surprise success back in 2012. The lure of more energetic sing-offs than you can shake a stick at, proves once again that there is an audience for musicals, even in the age of another superhero blockbuster being released every five minutes. With a worldwide total of over $100 million, Pitch Perfect 2 will most likely end up in the top 10 biggest films of 2015.

Read more of this box office report at Tastic Film.

Cannes Film Festival Day 2 and 3: Mad Max Fury Road, Son of Saul, The Lobster

I have seen a further six films over the past couple of days after catching my first two films at the 68th Cannes Film Festival on Wednesday. On Thursday and Friday, I saw:

Mad Max: Fury Road
One Floor Below
Son of Saul
The Lobster
Irrational Man
The Fourth Direction

Click the titles for reviews that I have gotten around to writing.

I also met Jamie Graham from Total Film and he actually knew who I was from Twitter which was pretty incredible to me. Unfortunately he didn't offer me a job right then and there on the spot, funnily enough.

Come back for more updates from the festival soon or check out my Cannes page here.

Cannes Film Festival 2015 Day 1: Standing Tall and Tale of Tale Reviews

Just two films today. I saw Standing Tall and Tale of Tales. Click the titles for my reviews.

I also saw Jake Gyllenhaal and Sienna Miller who are on the jury.

Check out my instagrams here.

Countdown to Cannes: My Ideal Film List

I’m back at the Cannes Film Festival for my second year running. I’ve been invited back to review films for Tastic Film so expect all my coverage to be up there over the next couple of weeks. The press screening schedule has been released and as usual it’s packed with potential!

Ideally, I’m going to try and see every film I possibly can. There are a few fancy parties we might be going to and there may be the odd screening I can’t get into with my blue badge but in an ideal world, this is going to be the list of films I see over the next seven days!

I’ll be settling in to the press room between screenings to try and write up as much as I can and keep these reviews flowing as quickly as possible but I’m sure the odd film may slip by the wayside eventually. 

I’m a little ashamed to admit that despite all these worthy films on display, the film I’m most looking forward to on this list is Mad Max: Fury Road. Sorry world cinema, I’m a sucker for some action!

Unfortunately, I have to leave on Wednesday so I’ll be missing the last few days of the festival but hopefully before I leave, I'll have seen these 31 films:

La Tete Haute (Standing Tall)

Il Racconto Dei Racconti (Tale of Tales)

Mad Max: Fury Road

Un Etaj Mai Jos (One Floor Below)

Saul Fia (Son of Saul)

The Lobster

Irrational Man

Chauthi Koot (The Fourth Direction)

The Sea of Trees

Mia Madre (My Mother)

Amy

Maryland

Carol

Mon Roi (My King)

Zvizdan (The High Sun)

Louder Than Bombs

La Loi Du Marche

InsideOut

Marguerite and Julien

Las Elegidas (The Chosen Ones)

Sicario

Taklub

Office